I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
