I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
