so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
