I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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