I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
