I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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