I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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