I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
