Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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