i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
