In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Pooping to opera.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
