Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
