i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
