yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
