This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
