New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
