there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I want her autograph on my taint
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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