My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
