summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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