Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
