Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
