I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
