ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
