I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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