My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
