White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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