did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize