I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
