by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
