Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
