I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
