I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We need to get me chipped asap
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