living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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