Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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