tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
