dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
