Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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