you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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