There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
