Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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