my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
