My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
