I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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