Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
