so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
