Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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