I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
