He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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