Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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