Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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