We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
