I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
