she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
