Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
