You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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