I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
