yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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