Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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