Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
