Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
