Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
