my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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