He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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