When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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