Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
