god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Found the puke drawer
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
