How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
