I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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