Quick, to the slutcave!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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