It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The ass gains better be worth it
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