A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
