i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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