Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Someone came in the potted fern
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
