He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize