You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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