i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
