sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
