I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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