so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
