You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
