I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
