Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
