Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
