just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
