I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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