Your tits are I can't wait for
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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