I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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