Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is her dick bigger than yours?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
