I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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