last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
