Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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