New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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