A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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