remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
