i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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