His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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