I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
