Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
